What is the heaviest thing you have ever lifted/carried? 25, 50, 100lb? Imagine having someone tell you that once you picked it up, you could never put it down again. How would you feel at the end of the day? Tired, in pain, like you never want to do that again? That is what I have been carrying every day for decades. It's like someone strapped 50lbs of flour to my front and back and said, "Ok, now deal with it!" I should be getting some heck of a workout for all this heavy lifting, right!? Nope!
I will be MOST grateful for the weight to be lifted, and to feel at ease in regular activity. It is like when you get sick, you can't remember how it feels to be well, and once you are, you are so grateful for it all over again. It is so hard to feel like a human being wrapped in a fat suit that won't come off.
You may be saying, "Oh poor you, you brought it on yourself!" Well, in part you would be right. But NOBODY (in their right mind) does this on purpose. One day you wake up and wonder, "How did I get here?" "Life happens when you're making other plans." and "Weight happens when you're planning other life." For me literally.The pregnancy and post-partum was the straw that broke me.
It is time to turn things around. I am encountering new people on a daily basis with stories to tell, and advice and help to offer. Life is placing everything in front of me, I just must walk the path.
Today, as I squeezed into my swimsuit and felt back fat roll over the top, and thighs cling to the swim skirt as my posterior lifted the back higher than the front, I could not help but feel sadness and hope at the same time. I took note of the others at the pool. There were all sizes, I still fall in the middle somewhere. Upper-middle, but middle none the less. I can go out without shame. I feel beautiful anyway. I will feel even more so after taking this step to improve myself, my health, and my life.